Point by point deconstruction of the article "Top 10 reasons why women prefer vampires" (link to original article: http://www.twilightitalia.com/home/?p=9027 ) unfortunately I happened to run into a , call, article from the pompous title of "Top 10 reasons why women prefer vampires." Apart from the news that new to me: women prefer vampires? Really? And when it was shown? No, because until I see with my own eyes the results of the survey on a sample collected scientific world, not on a professional pie chart, I still believe in my personal reality by which vampires are fictional characters of literature and folklore, and what women prefer is a mystery unknown to all, including women (except maybe Mel Gibson).
However, in this article takes for granted that women, in their entirety or at least in the overwhelming love vampires, with all the evidence in preference to men, women, animals, and even a large collection of shoes . In this preference is treated from the outset as a matter of fact , like a postulate on which the entire display is based. From this, ten are enumerated obvious reasons why that axiom is obviously true, using ten characteristics in the case of many conferred by the legends, books, movies, role playing and video games to the figure of the vampire, without taking into account that in these legends, books, films, role plays and games, these many characteristics are not all true at the same time, since often contradict each other (eg, depending on the work in question, sometimes the vampire avoids the cross and sometimes not, sometimes lonely and sometimes lived in herds, sometimes can not cross rivers and sometimes stays hours in the rain in slow motion to create a highly dramatic effect, etc.). But step by step
see such a wonderful example of modern literature, and try, if possible, to find some subtle discrepancy or weak point on which course to take to build some mild criticism of an end in itself.
Vampires are everywhere - in books such as Twilight and the recent New Moon trailer , in magazines and newspapers and now on television, in the second season of True Blood. Vampires take us off our women, but not to their usual tricks, or for their strength: women love those stupid succhisangue!
early part of the preamble on the wrong foot. What are classic examples of art inspired by the figure of the vampire is not mentioned, as seems obvious, the book "Dracula" (Bram Stoker), which also launched the vampire in modern literature (for the first time appeared in "The Vampire" by Polidori). But possible examples could be even less noble and countless others, all famous: Buffy (TV series), Castlevania (game), From Dusk Till Dawn (film), Dampyr (comics), Blade (comics and film), Ravenloft (game role), I Am Legend (book and movie), Dracula Opera Rock (album PFM and musicals), just to name a few. But where you go fishing? In the book series Twilight, in the trailer (even the film, only the trailer ) New Moon (the second film in the series Twilight, again ), ghostly in magazines and newspapers dedicati ai vampiri, e nella famosissima serie tv True Blood. E' da notare come sia Twilight che True Blood violentino la figura del vampiro, strappandolo dalle sue regole e impiantandolo in una realtà in cui le sue caratteristiche sono nuove di zecca e inventate di sana pianta (come se il povero vampiro non avesse già abbastanza varianti esistenti. Ma io dico, se volete associare ad un personaggio di fantasia le caratteristiche che vi paiono e piacciono, inventatene uno nuovo e dategli un nome tutto suo, cazzo! Se volete usare il vampiro, attenetevi alle sue dannatissime regole!). Ma andiamo avanti nella lettura dell'articolo.
C’è qualcosa in quei simboli gotici di manhood that makes all women weak in the neck area. And 'their style, their power or their obsession with romance? It could be a combination of all three that makes these damn corpses thousands of years so attractive to the opposite sex.
Here are 10 reasons why women love vampires, and as a single guy pua obtaining benefits:
"Symbols Gothic manhood"? "It 's their style ? But who the hell wrote this article? What's wrong in the Italian words "manhood" and "style"? The most logical explanation that comes to mind is that perhaps while the author typed those words, the letter key of the sua tastiera ha fatto le bizze, e il poveretto non ha trovato altra soluzione pratica che ricorrere abilmente alla loro traduzione in un'altra lingua, come d'altronde riportato nelle prime cinque regole del manuale "Come vincere il premio nobel per la letteratura".
Vorrei poi precisare che i vampiri non sono cadaveri. Al limite posso concedere "cadaveri ambulanti", ma in tal caso uno potrebbe pensare agli zombi. I vampiri sono non-morti/morti viventi, ovvero dei (fantomatici) esseri morti e poi tornati in vita, e che in quanto tali non possono tornare nuovamente a morire (non per vie naturali).
Ma finalmente la sfortunata premessa dell'articolo giunge a termine, quindi lasciamo da parte questi dettagli e passiamo di gran lena at ten reasons why women love vampires, with accompanying recommendations for all the boys out there!
10) Vampires are be solitary - The regular guy goes around with a group of friends who drink and those who come to watch the game at home, those with whom you go out on weekends and what you get into trouble. This clan takes away precious time and also a lot of attention, subtracting a hypothetical girl. Vampires are alone. They have no friends and few who leave them in peace. Women love vampires because they have all the time in the world. Literally.
- What can you learn the single man? Spend some 'less time with your friends. Give more attention to your girls and occasionally take it with you along with them. Friends, golf, games and beer will always be there. Show them that you're a real man.
If vampires are solitary beings, it follows that they do not like being in the company, and neither men nor women. Why would a woman should love a man who does not want to be with her? So the point 10 is a bullshit. Like
then the solemnity with which it is written " the regular guy goes around with a group of friends [...] This clan takes away precious time and also a lot of attention, taking them to a hypothetical girl." In fact, no boy "normal" in the world, in living memory, has ever had a girlfriend, took everything as it is to fully devote his time to his friends, and as a result of this sad fact the human race is near extinction of giant pandas in the same way that having sex with each other do not think remotely. Final.
Among the suggestions for the 'single man' we find the pearl more time to turn to a woman, as opposed to time otherwise devoted to " friends, golf, games and beer . The golf?? How many "regular guys" in the world play golf (minus, in doing so, considerable time to a woman)? The beer? In what alternate reality known only to the author women do not drink beer? No, because in my reality, women randomly between a strawberry caipirinha and a bacardi breezer guzzled down one's throat, from time to time we also slipped in a beer, on the sly. Oh well then, let alone matches, because women are not cheering for any team any sport, NEVER!
9) Vampires DO NOT NEED TO COMPANY DURING THE DAY. Despite all the women adore passarepiù possible time with the man they love, have comuqnue need to spend time alone or with other girls - even if sometimes call or unannounced visits to check. Women love vampires because they can not fully occupy their days. Damn, can not even be too late at night. The sleepers will last until the sun does not rise, but the vampires, until sunset, are unavailable.
- What can you learn the single man? Sometimes a woman just needs to be a little 'alone. From time to be herself and to confront its own things. From space to be independent. This will make the time spent with you even more special.
The logic of this point is so convoluted that my three-rotor Enigma machine
exploded in a vain attempt to decrypt the paragraph! However, after careful study, I think I understand that at that point it is argued that since all the girls
day
not want to be with no man the vampire, that day it is hard for his cock, is the only ideal companion. Well, it seems undisputed that the state point 9 is a bullshit, not even need to support this with any kind of further argument.
Among the advice for single men, in section 9 we read: "From
[the woman] time to be themselves and face their things." I think what the author intends to say to stay away from women when they have their cycle, as they are easily irritable. Thanks for the tip!
8) vampires have taste in clothes. Have you ever seen a vampire suit with Anita for two pennies? Indeed. They are always impeccably dressed with perfect hair and complexion a fantastic (if a little 'Pallis). Their T-shirts - usually black - emphasize your chest. A pair of tight pants and an occasional medallion finish everything. Like a modern Tom Jones without the crucifix on the package - but Gothic impact. Usually have a figure dressed so that none of us mere mortals can imagine. Their clothes are worn with style and always combined damn good. Thankfully, many of them do not wear capes.
- What can you learn the single man? Well-dressed for every occasion. Always be a bit ' exaggerated. I found a style that works. Step into a shop and asks the Commes for advice. Choose clothes that bring out your forms. Favors colors that highlight your complexion. If you are uncertain, dressed as the mannequin. But never to wear a coat, though it seems cool.
In fact I have never seen a vampire outfit with "Anita" by two cents, whatever it is an Anita (not to mention the fantastic complexion but "Pallis"). However, if memory serves me correctly, in any representation (icon) graphics I've always seen the vampire dress with clothes that were fashionable a few hundred years ago. If this is called "taste in clothes is something that I do not know, do not essendo io un vampiro e quindi non avendo alcun gusto nel vestire. Non mi ricordo, tuttavia, di aver MAI visto un vampiro indossare magliette attillate, pantaloni aderenti, o addirittua occasionali medaglioni, come si asserisce nel punto 8. Viceversa ogni tanto mi è capitato di vederlo con un mantello indosso. Aspè, datemi un secondo:
Mmm, no, nessuna maglietta nera che mette in risalto i pettorali e nessun fottutissimo medaglione. In compenso tanti mantelli. Quindi il punto 8 è decisamente una minchiata.
La cosa estremamente divertente è che
nemmeno nel film Twilight, a cui con ogni evidenza questo articolo fa riferimento trattandolo come l'unica fonte di documentazione sui vampiri, viene usata la combinazione di abbigliamento descritta qui sopra:
- foto della famiglia Cullen (che in Twilight sono TUTTI vampiri. Ce ne fosse uno con la maglietta nera aderente!):
Wait, maybe in True Blood?
The Pearl of section 8 in tips for single men: "If you are uncertain
dressed as the mannequin . Wonderful, priceless!
7) I LOVE VAMPIRES packages. Women love sex. But what I love even more is that the whole situation turns around, premliminari. As we all know, men should be straight to the point - but no vampires. They are not the least interested in sex. I want to have fun. In particolr so close del collo - “il punto dolce” come viene definito tra colore che dormono nelle bare. Sanno come scaldare la situazione in maniera tenera e poi continuare magari più duri. Abbastanza duramente fino al succhiare sangue.
- Cosa può imparare l’uomo single? Parti leggero con i preliminari. Scova le sue zone erogene. Non le conosci? Ecco una cosa bizzarra: chiediglielo! Passa molto tempo su questi punti, specilamente il collo. Se succhi sangue, sappi che stai facendo qualcosa di sbagliato. Il sesso, a quel punto, è assicurato: lei non si dimenticerà di ringraziarti per le attenzioni.
La cosa meravigliosa del punto 7 è che si contraddice da solo. Frase 1: "
Women love sex . "Sentence 2:"
They [the vampires] are not the least interested in sex . "Deduction: vampires are the farthest thing that could ever please a woman. So also paragraph 7 ( drum roll) is a bullshit.
But let's move on. "The sweet spot," says the author, is the expression with which all those who sleep in coffins like to turn to that part of the body otherwise scientifically defined "near the neck "(which they would then close the neck? Shoulders? The back? chin? Or maybe the air at 10 cm distance from the neck itself?). However, according to a quick Google search
the expression" the sweet spot "appears in una quantità così esigua di risultati da essere meno frequente perfino dei "
cardi gratinati ", che pure non sono propriamente un punto cardine delle scuole mondiali di cucina.
La frase chiave del punto 7 nei consigli per uomini single: "
Se succhi sangue, sappi che stai facendo qualcosa di sbagliato ". Ad esempio, hai beccato uno di quei giorni...
6)I VAMPIRI SONO DI UMORE VARIABILE. Le donne amano le abitudini, ma sono anche propense, talvolta, a qualche litigata nella relazione: rende la cosa più fresca e interesante. E questo è perfetto per i vampiri, il cui umore varia costantemente. Saresti arrabbiato nero anche tu se tutti ti volessero morto e tutto what you can enjoy for the rest of your life was blood. It's not really the best. Good for them that they have all the female attention that want to endure this life more calmly.
What can be learned man single? Do not be a shrinking violet, sometimes women are put back into line. Just a relationship becomes monotonous and trivial issues took over. Spontaneity is one of the reasons why women love vampires, and then surprise them. Make things out of the ordinary as presented without a call to his office at lunch time, prepare a romantic dinner or ask her to take a vacation day to pass along to you.
I swear, I did not understand the meaning of section 6. With a stroke compared to no surprise that the end of "The Sixth Sense," "Memento," "Fight Club" and "The Usual Suspects" were all highly predictable from the vision of the first scene of one of them, is here reversed point of view taken so far and is instead given a reason why vampires like women! Wait a second, but we were not listing "10 reasons why women prefer vampires? Shit, there must have missed something! However
invaluable advice for single men in paragraph 6 states that " Spontaneity is one of the reasons why women love vampires . So the vampires are spontaneous? I have always believed that to study their victims, choosing them properly, and then seduce them and bled! I do not think its a spontaneous behavior! Instinctive if you like, but not spontaneous. The fact that vampires are then mood variable (assumption of point 6) makes them the most spontaneous in a negative way, and I doubt that women are attracted to the freaks. That is, not least the great majority. E 'enough to declare a final point 6 balls?
5) The Vampires They can be persuasive. Vampires have a calming aura. They are gentle creatures, ethereal and speak softly and women there are married. They can even convincerel that sucking blood is a good thing. But what is awkward? We can not even try a different position in making love!
- What can you learn the single man? Of 'what a woman want in a sweet and convincing, but not necessarily required. This will save you a lot of time - in arguing. Do not use tricks and will not allow them to discover.
mumble mumble, " Vampires have a calming aura . I can not reconcile this absolute truth with the countless representations of scenes of panic caused by, for example, the arrival of a Transylvanian vampire in town! Also remain displaced from the definition of the vampires as creatures ethereal. "According to the Dictionary of Italian Garzanti," ethereal "means
1)" the ether of the sky "
2)" ( by extension) the celestial, spiritual
3) "intangible, almost incorporeal"
The vampire is something that? Mmmm ... But fortunately there is an ultimate meaning to the word "ethereal", see:
4) " ether anesthesia ( med.) that obtained by inhalation of ether ethyl "
Um, no ...
tips for single men in point 5 reads" [bla bla bla] This will save you a lot of time in quarrel. "Wait a minute! But this goes against point 6, in base al quale le donne amano i vampiri perchè sono propense alle litigate! Perchè ora mi si sta consigliando di evitare le litigate? Non rischio forse, seguendo questo consiglio, che la mia donna si disinnamori di me perchè con me i rapporti non sono mai tesi e nervosi, e mi lasci per andare alla ricerca di qualcuno più adatto a lei, ovvero un irascibile vampiro? Siamo sicuri che questi consigli siano proprio coerenti??
4)I VAMPIRI CERCANO ALL’INFINITO PER TROVARE “LEI”. Le donne credono fortemente nel principe azzurro. Vivono nella sicurezza che esista l’anima gemella - due persone che si incontrano, si innamorano e vivono per sempre insieme. Adesso immaginate un uomo che vive exactly this situation, that is looking for his half century. This fact will pierce the heart of a woman just like a bullet. When a vampire falls in love with a woman, makes her only treasure. It is hard to believe that women fall at their feet - even though it might fall due to lack of blood.
- What can learn a single man? Try it for yourself that she is the only woman in the universe. Do not look the other girls on the premises and make her feel the best thing that ever happened to you.
At the point 4 of the sentences of the syntactic construction begins to falter. The logic it remains at previous levels, or hugging the ground. So, first things first, because at this point is all wrong:
1 - "Vampires endlessly trying to find 'her' " What the fuck does that mean? WHAT THE FUCK does that mean? In Italian, I mean! This sentence does not make sense anywhere you look. If vampires seeking to infinity means that are never, right? I believe that in any movie or book about vampires, these are all right their victims, and more than once too! Are certainly not endless search for "YOU".
2 - "Women strongly believe in Prince Charming " a moment, a moment! Until now it has been argued that women love someone who is anti-social (as constantly living alone and has few or no friends, paragraph 10), shy (since it is unavailable for most of the time, paragraph 9), fetishism (as haunted by the neck, paragraph 7), moody (as in mood variable, paragraph 6), hoarse or voiceless (as always speaks in a low voice, paragraph 5), and often has a medallion around the neck (point 8). And 'This is the definition of "Prince Charming"??
3 - " live in security that there is a soul mate - two people who meet, fall in love and live together forever. Now imagine a man who lives exactly this situation " So, imagine a man living on the situation of two people who meet, fall in love and live together forever. And 'this is the vampire? I do not know in Twilight, but [historical bibliography of the vampire, except Twilight] no.
4 - " that is looking for his half centuries " except that "that" performs a completely different situation from that just described (see "meet, fall in love and live together forever" VS "to search for its half centuries), apart from that I ask again, is what makes the vampire? Look for centuries your soul mate? Dunno, I'm beginning to believe that I am I've seen the wrong film vampire ...
5 - "This fact pierce the heart of a woman just like a bullet "leaving aside the romantic parallelism, my Garzanti denifisce pierce the verb as" (Fig.) with stinging words greatly grieve. "So look for their half centuries, or what according to the author the vampire would do, has a very negative towards women!
6 - When a vampire falls in love with a woman, makes her only treasure "hey, but the vampires were not looking indefinitely its "YOU"?? And then I learn a new truth in vampire mythology, vampires fall in love?
7 - It is hard to believe that women fall to loro piedi ": è invece difficile credere alla quantità di minchiate e assenza di filo logico che imperversa in questo punto 4!
3)I VAMPIRI SONO ROMANTICI. Diamo credito a questo bastardi succhiasangue: sanno come lavorare con una donna. L’atmosfera è sempre scure e adatta per fare qualcosa di “sporco”. La luna piena li segue ovunque vadano. Uno dei giochetti dei vampiri è che si rendono sempre conto quando la situazione è perfetta. E per non sciupare l’atmosfera, loro non parlano poi molto: hanno anni di esperienza “seduttiva” alle spalle.
- Cosa può imparare un uomo single? Definisci un’atmosfera romantic and for every occasion. Remember the special places and the little things that you love all the more important occasions. Remember to amaze me: flowers for no reason, and small "I love you" when you do not expect it. If the CEH show you care, you may end up in a spiral of succhiaggio not covering the blood.
first add to the distinctive character of Prince Charming are also silent.
The full moon following the vampires? But those were not the werewolves? Or maybe a new superpower of Supervampiro is the spell "Call Full Moon", because if you go around without it he is pretty cool?
From tips for single men of the "3 If CEH shows you care, you may end up in a spiral of succhiaggio not covering the blood. "Uuh, and what never will be referring our mischievous author?
2) VAMPRI are powerful. Vampires have two force types: the first is the physical and wild.'ve always fisicatissimi: will the many hours of sleep and strict diet. And then there is the psychic force. Usually the vampire is a manipulator that can read in it. This explosive combination done attracts like bees to honey. And there's more: it is almost impossible to kill a vampire. Do you think he's dead? In 90% of cases know that it is not!
- What can imparare l’uomo single? Ogni uomo dovrebbe curare il propiro corpo. Ma la cosa più importante è essere forte psicologicamente. Non smettere mai di imparare: impara una nuova lingua, fai puzzle, cruciverba per mantenere una mente “sveglia” e leggi le pagine di cronca invece che quelle di sport. Ecco un’altra ragione per cui le donne preferiscono i vampiri: possono portare avanti una conversazione che non parli di baseball.
Ehi ehi, chi è questa nuova figura che è saltata fuori all'improvviso, il "vampro"??? Non mischiamo le carte in tavola!
In questo punto si legge inoltre un raro comico esempio di frase che si autocontraddice: "
Sono sempre fisicatissimi: saranno the many hours of sleep '. It is in fact known to spend some time lying tones the muscles, rather than come to bed sores as one might naively think.
Myth of item 2: women like men who are in positions of power. By the way, since the vampires are not the least interested in sex (Part 7), so I know that the more correct phrase for the point 2 is "Vampires are powerless" ... abused
Parallelism of item 2: "[...]
attracts like bees to honey ." I do not know that bees are attracted "to the" honey, but that produces it, and yet I know that the flowers attract bees. Damn vampires! In
tips uomini single del punto 2 apprendiamo che l'uomo è ossessionato dallo sport e dal baseball in particolare. Io personalmente non riesco a cominciare e concludere una qualsiasi conversazione senza usare una delle seguenti parole: "baseball", "inning", "strike", "fuori campo" o "cazzo". Maledetti vampiri!
Lezione di coerenza dell'articolo: Punto 2: i vampiri "
possono portare avanti una conversazione che non parli di baseball "; punto 3: i vampiri "
non parlano poi molto "; Twilight: i vampiri parlano di baseball e
ci giocano perfino (
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRFAyfoRODU Notate tra l'altro nel filmato come tutti i vampiri, oltre a essere dei perfetti culturisti, indossino medaglioni e magliette nere attillate!).
1)I VAMPIRI SONO DEI RAGAZZACCI. Le donne adorano i ragazzacci. Adesso mischiate il fatto che i vampiri hanno bisogno di sangue per sopravvivere e sono all’eterna ricerca dell’amore eterno: ottenete il SUPER RAGAZZACCIO. Non risponde a nessuno se non a se stesso, non parla con nessuno, segue le sue regole, si veste come un modello, ed è odiato da milioni di persone. E’ il ragazzo da cui tutte le mamme tengono lontane lo loro figlie - escluso quelli che si mettono il lucidalabbra, che sono forse peggio. E poi lui non è solo cattivo, è addirittura MORTO.
- Cosa può imparare l’uomo single? Anche se è difficile, puoi provare a tirare fuori la stoffa da “cattivo”. Prova così: dormi tutto il giorno, esci fuori solo durante la notte, segui le tue regole, fai incazzare più persone possibile e nutriti de lsangue delle belle donne…praticamente torna ai tempi del college!
A corredo del punto 1, nell'articolo originale è presente la foto che vedete nella miniatura qui sopra, e più grande qui:
http://www.twilightitalia.com/home/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/edward-cullen-21-300x300.jpg Non avrebbero potuto trovare una foto che incarni
di meno l'immagine del "ragazzaccio"! What the hell is that individual vaguely effeminate?? I understand this is, uh, the actor starred in Twilight, but this does not make it an inch closer to the modern concept of masculinity! And incidentally, I do not see a model dressed in that picture.
I asked Stefano Bartezzaghi also give me the solution to the enigma hidden behind the phrase "
It 's the guy that all the mothers take their daughters away - except those who put the gloss, which are perhaps worse " and his response was "Hey, I'm just a human being." No really, author of the article, I give up: What the hell does that phrase
? My possible interpretations are these three:
1) there are kids who use the gloss, but this makes them much worse their habit of vampires, and mothers pay more attention to keep their daughters at a safe distance from them that to save them from vampires;
2) the mothers take their daughters away from vampires, but not all vampires, as in fact they leave green light to complete the daughters vampires who use lip gloss, even though these very clearly worse than the vampires who do not use it, because of this habit by drag queen;
3) the mothers take their daughters away from vampires, but not all mothers, only those who do not use lip gloss, while the mothers who use it if they beat the vampire balls, and are much worse than they are.
I do not know which of these versions is closer to the truth, but the only thing that seems well-founded is that the author hates the gloss and its users!
The final conclusion of a point, crowned by the phrase "
And then he is not just bad, and even death ," is that all women are necrophilia.
From tips for single men to point 1: "
sleep all day, come out only at night, follow your rules, you can piss off more people . Ie: become a bouncer. Hey, here's the golden rule for all women to their feet to the bouncers! Any woman will do anything to attract your attention and to please, will pretend to be always happy when I see you and will try every way to get face to face with you before everyone else, you will constantly show you sensual and inviting, always willing to share talk to you and thank you for the slightest concession, and despite all that whatever your mood decides to enforce the law will be, although this will lead to hatred and discontent of most. Thank you, author of the article, here is a truly golden advice!
Lesson # 2 consistency of the item: Step 1: "Women love the bad boys
" Item 4: "The women believe strongly
the prince. "The only way that this is consistent is that women have frequent changes of mind, mood and decisions, always dream of what they really can not have / is unreachable / does not exist, and that their themselves do not know what they really want. Hmm, maybe after all I've been too strict with regard to this article, and some basis of reality has it ...
Ok, I know that I completely disagree with some of these points ... But, come on, some ideas are cute! for women, IHIIHI!
The finish is a must treat the dissociation of the author article written by him! brilliant!
